The Inside Scoop To College Dating

Wel­come to The Inside Scoop To Col­lege Dat­ing, a pod­cast where Tabitha Bak­er, Anna Zim­mer­man, Dip­ty Bhuiyan and Maï­na Durafour, four col­lege stu­dents at UConn are talk­ing about the dat­ing scene in col­lege and its issues.

The first episode will be focus­ing on dat­ing apps. We are try­ing to fig­ure out 

Today, we’re try­ing to answer these questions!

Tabitha: Wel­come to the inside scoop to col­lege dat­ing. My name is Tabitha Baker.

Anna: Anna Zimmerman.

Maï­na: Maï­na Durafour 

Dip­ty: and Dip­ty Bhuiyan.

Tabitha: And today we’re going to be talk­ing about some good things with dat­ing in col­lege, bad things, dat­ing in col­lege, but I think our main focus today is just going to be dat­ing apps. I think dat­ing apps are one of the main forms of meet­ing peo­ple. So we have some suc­cess sto­ries with dat­ing through Tin­der here in the room with us.

Dip­ty: Yeah, I met my boyfriend through Tin­der, and hon­est­ly, I was shocked because usu­al­ly Tin­der is known for hookups and just meet­ing peo­ple for the night. But as I start­ed talk­ing to him, I real­ized I real­ly did like him. And I met up with him. And yeah, we vibed.

Maï­na: yeah, same for me. I start­ed to be on Tin­der to for­get, my ex boyfriend. We start­ed to talk, and then it worked. And now it’s been three years and a half, so that’s pret­ty good.

Tabitha: I per­son­al­ly have just nev­er had any dat­ing app. I just was­n’t into it. I don’t know why, all my friends use them and I’m on there, of course, swip­ing left and right. But, three in ten US. Adults say they have nev­er used a dat­ing site or app, accord­ing to Pew Research and I can relate to these peo­ple because, I don’t know, I just feel like I pre­fer to meet peo­ple organ­i­cal­ly through ran­dom inter­ac­tions, like at the bar, like a par­ty. And I feel like in col­lege, there’s def­i­nite­ly so many oppor­tu­ni­ties to do that too.

Anna: For sure, it’s lit­er­al­ly such a melt­ing pot of col­lege edu­cat­ed, attrac­tive peo­ple. It’s the per­fect place to just ran­dom­ly meet somebody.

Dip­ty: Even I was real­ly hes­i­tant to down­load dat­ing apps because it just was­n’t my cup of tea. I like meet­ing peo­ple organ­i­cal­ly, like you said, and I like just hav­ing a nat­ur­al con­nec­tion ver­sus just, like, mes­sag­ing back and forth on a dat­ing app because I don’t know their inten­tions. I don’t know what these peo­ple are like out­side of these dat­ing apps. So I just always had, like, a fear fac­tor, sort of.

Anna: And I think it can feel real­ly forced too. Like, I down­loaded Tin­der, I think, my senior year of high school to, like you said, get over my ex boyfriend. And it did­n’t last long. I did­n’t like the way that every­thing was forced. And I actu­al­ly got banned per­ma­nent­ly from the app because I did­n’t like it so much that I would just send my Snapchat or my phone num­ber over the app instead of hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion, which I think that is why, I mean, to this day, I still don’t know. But I nev­er mes­saged any­one, so I don’t know what else it could have been.

Dip­ty: And I don’t blame you because hon­est­ly, when I first down­loaded Tin­der, it was a game to me. I was swip­ing left.

Anna: It was like a fun lit­tle game. Like, oh my gosh. 

Dip­ty: Just to see who’s attrac­tive on cam­pus. Did­n’t real­ly think I would meet any­body. And I’m not going to lie, my boyfriend was the first per­son I actu­al­ly met up with. I was just always real­ly para­noid. I just did­n’t feel com­fort­able going to some­one else’s dorm and it’s crazy how one in ten adults met their cur­rent sig­nif­i­cant oth­er through a dat­ing app.

Anna: That seems like kind of a big num­ber, right? But then you think about how many peo­ple are on Tin­der and that is so insignificant.

Maï­na: And there’s a lot of weird peo­ple on Tin­der when you think about it. My boyfriend was­n’t the first one I met, through Tin­der. And I feel lucky because I met some nice guy, but then I had some weird peo­ple. One guy, he asked me if I want­ed to put my feet on his head, like, stuff like that. Where does peo­ple come from?

Dip­ty: Right.

Anna: Yeah. You can def­i­nite­ly find a lot of unwant­ed behav­iors on the plat­form, I think. Espe­cial­ly younger women under 50 say that they’ve used dat­ing apps, and 56% of them say that they’ve been sent sex­u­al­ly explic­it mes­sages on a dat­ing app. This is like first impres­sions we’re talk­ing about. And they’re like, look at my junk. So anyway..

Dip­ty: I feel like a lot of peo­ple, since it’s behind a screen, they don’t under­stand the con­se­quences and they don’t care.

Anna: Yeah. You’re nev­er going to meet them. What’s the worst that could happen?

Dip­ty: But it’s so awk­ward because some­times I would see my match­es or the peo­ple that have DMed me or asked me for my Snap. I nev­er ful­ly had a con­ver­sa­tion with them or went through with meet­ing up with them. And then you would just see them on your way to class.

Anna: The worst, I think, with social media is the peo­ple that you are friends with on social media, but have nev­er met in real life. And it’s like, you see them. What do you say? I think that that was my biggest hes­i­ta­tion with dat­ing apps and actu­al­ly using it. I had it for a while, but I would­n’t use it. And that was like, I did not want any­one who I knew to see it. I’m like, this is the peak of my embarrassment.

Dip­ty: Right? And not going to lie, when I first start­ed dat­ing my boyfriend, I did­n’t want to tell peo­ple that I met him on Tin­der because I just thought it was such, an embar­rass­ment. Like, it was­n’t some­thing to be proud of. But the more I got with him and the more we talked, I was like, you know what? There are ups and downs to Tin­der and oth­er dat­ing pro­files. And I should­n’t be embar­rassed because that’s why it was made to meet oth­er people.

Tabitha: And it’s like, if you’re hes­i­tant to say that you met on Tin­der, it’s like, oh, is that a red flag that he’s on Tin­der? But it’s like, you’re on Tin­der too. Are you a red flag?

Dip­ty: So I can’t have dou­ble stan­dards you know what I’m saying?

Tabitha: So I don’t think every­body who’s on Tin­der has bad inten­tions obvi­ous­ly. Like, your rela­tion­ships cur­rent­ly are obvi­ous­ly going, well, like, three years strong. That’s crazy. But, I do think hookup cul­ture is a big not issue, but just pop­u­lar now. And I think that it’s fun and peo­ple are into it and do what­ev­er you want. No judg­ment. This is your prime time. But it’s just it also makes you real­ize how small cam­pus is. Like you said, you see peo­ple who peo­ple mes­sage you, and then it’s like you spot them around campus.

Dip­ty: And it’s so awk­ward because some­times I would go to par­ties or I would go to the bar and I would see these peo­ple, and it’s just like, what do you even say? You have noth­ing to say. and one thing I noticed about Tin­der is that there’s a lot of cat­fish­es. So there’s a lot of peo­ple that you think that are so attrac­tive and great, and then you actu­al­ly see them in per­son they’re not who they, say they are.

Maï­na: Yeah. That hap­pened to me. You know, the pic­ture with the angle you take the pic­ture, like the shad­ow, the light..

Dip­ty: Or like, the peo­ple you take the pic­ture with because you think they’re attrac­tive, because they’re sur­round­ed by attrac­tive peo­ple, and then they post a self­ie in their collection.

Anna: Or the peo­ple who on Tin­der have their entire all of their pro­file is pic­tures with oth­er peo­ple. you’re like, oh, my God, I lit­er­al­ly thought you were your friend.

Dip­ty: And you don’t who they are. Yes.

Anna: Please intro­duce us.

Tabitha: Intro­duce us, that’s crazy.

Anna: but yeah, I think that’s a huge thing with dat­ing nowa­days. The once unat­tain­able beau­ti­ful women or hot movie stars. It’s like, now you can lit­er­al­ly DM the hot movie star. So it’s like, there’s always going to be this illu­sion of the per­fect match­es out there, or there’s always going to be a bet­ter option or some­body pret­ti­er, smarter, funnier.

Maï­na: I think when you’re on Tin­der, the first cliché that we have about it is that every­body’s talk­ing and going out and hav­ing sex or try­ing to find some­one who you want to be with. But there’s also how hard men­tal­ly it can be to be on Tin­der, like the social pres­sure that you can feel about it. For exam­ple, accord­ing to Pewresearch.org, women who use the Tin­der and online dat­ing app plat­forms, are say­ing that they feel very over­whelmed by all the mes­sages they get but on the oth­er side, 64% of men feel also over­whelmed by the fact that they don’t receive any mes­sages. And I think it’s fun­ny because it kind of shows that some men are not here to show off, and they can be as uncom­fort­able as we are, I guess. So I think it’s inter­est­ing to, think about it that way too.

Anna: That is super inter­est­ing. Espe­cial­ly because, I don’t know, I’m the one who’s ner­vous to go talk to the boy at the bar. And on the oth­er hand, it’s like the same thing could be going through their mind, and you just have no idea because you’re both too ner­vous to say any­thing, so no one ever does.

Dip­ty: I also feel like there’s such a stig­ma around guys only want you for your body, but that could hon­est­ly not be true, and they could want more than that, but you don’t know because Tin­der is seen as a dat­ing app that’s not seen as any­thing more than just that.

Anna: Yeah.

Tabitha: But you were say­ing it’s very easy. Like you said, you’re ner­vous to approach the guy at the bar. I feel like everybody

Dip­ty: Yeah, it’s so nerve wracking. 

Tabitha: Every­body’s watch­ing it feels like

Anna: It feels like I know nobody’s watching.

Tabitha: I know. No one cares what you’re doing. No, but it’s so much eas­i­er to just send a mes­sage on Tin­der, and it’s like, that’s just so much easier.

Anna: And if you get reject­ed, you can lit­er­al­ly delete it from your phone, no one ever knows. 

Dip­ty: Yeah or you can unswipes, or, like, unmatched, and it’s just gone.

Anna: Yeah, but if you strike out at the bar, it’s like oow, I hope nobody saw that.

Dip­ty: No and rejec­tion? That hurts.

Tabitha: Like, he can go to his friend and be like, look, this girl who just tried to talk to me. That’s trau­ma­tiz­ing in real life.

Maï­na: Yeah, for sure, but when you think about it, I think it’s also like, ah, how you meet the good person.

Tabitha: Obvi­ous­ly, tin­der is fun. You can meet some­body to hook up with. You can even meet a poten­tial boyfriend. But also, just, like, meet­ing peo­ple organ­i­cal­ly is just so fun. Despite the pos­si­ble rejec­tion, it’s just so much more like.. I don’t know

Dip­ty: Right.

Tabitha: I don’t know it’s just like real. Not that the dat­ing apps are fake, obvi­ous­ly, because you’re still talk­ing to peo­ple, but it’s more like they had the guts to talk to you, some­how it feels more genuine.

Dip­ty: Right. And think­ing back before our gen­er­a­tion, that’s how peo­ple met just, like, nat­u­ral­ly through..

Anna: Every instance. 

Dip­ty: Yeah, every instance. And so there was no such thing as match­ing on Tin­der or swip­ing on Bum­ble or what­ev­er they do now. So now it’s so different.

Anna: Yeah.

Tabitha: All right, well, thank you guys for join­ing us on the Inside Scoop to Col­lege dating.

All: I’m Tabitha, Anna, Maï­na and Dipty.

Tabitha: And we’ll see you guys next time. 

All: Bye.

Research link:

• https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/31/well/mind/burnout-online-dating-apps.html
• https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u‑s/
• https://seattlespectator.com/2023/02/15/college-dating-culture-are-dating-apps-ruining-romance/