The Inside Scoop to College Dating

Join Tabitha Bak­er, Anna Zim­mer­man, Dip­ty Bhuiyan, and Maina Durafour as they dis­cuss col­lege dat­ing. From frat-boys to three-year rela­tion­ships, today’s episode cov­ers every­thing you need to know if you’re con­sid­er­ing dat­ing in college. 

Tabitha Bak­er: Wel­come to the inside scoop to col­lege dat­ing. My name is Tabitha Baker.

Anna Zim­mer­man: Anna Zimmerman. 

Maina Durafour: Maina Durafour
Dip­ty Bhuiyan: and Dip­ty Bhuiyan.

Tabitha Bak­er: And today we’re going to be talk­ing about some good things with dat­ing in col­lege, bad things, dat­ing in col­lege. But I think our main focus today is just going to be dat­ing apps. I think dat­ing apps are one of the main forms of meet­ing peo­ple. Like, peo­ple go to tin­der is prob­a­bly the top one, I’d say, right?

Maina Durafour: Yeah.

Tabitha Bak­er: So we have some suc­cess sto­ries with dat­ing through Tin­der here in the room with us.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: Yeah, I met my boyfriend through Tin­der, and hon­est­ly, I was shocked because usu­al­ly Tin­der is known for hookups and just meet­ing peo­ple for the night. But as I start­ed talk­ing to him, I real­ized I real­ly did like him. And I met up with him and yeah, we vibe.

Maina Durafour: Yeah, same for me. I start­ed to be on Tin­der just like, to for­get my ex boyfriend. we start­ed to talk and I thought it was pret­ty bor­ing, at first. And then it worked. And now it’s been three years and a half, so that’s pret­ty good.

Tabitha Bak­er: Yeah, I mean, I’d say, like, Tin­der, I per­son­al­ly have just nev­er had any dat­ing app. I don’t know, I just was nev­er real­ly my style. I just was­n’t into it. I don’t know why all my friends use them. And I’m on there, of course, swip­ing left and right. But, three in ten US. Adults say they have nev­er used a dat­ing site or app, accord­ing to Pew Research. And I can relate to these peo­ple because, I don’t know, I just feel like I’d pre­fer to meet peo­ple organ­i­cal­ly through ran­dom inter­ac­tions, like at the bar, like a par­ty. And I feel like in col­lege there’s def­i­nite­ly so many oppor­tu­ni­ties to do that too, for sure.

Anna Zim­mer­man: It’s lit­er­al­ly such a melt­ing pot of col­lege edu­cat­ed, attrac­tive peo­ple. It’s the per­fect place to just ran­dom­ly meet some­one, even.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: I was real­ly hes­i­tant to down­load dat­ing apps because it just was­n’t my cup of tea. I like meet­ing peo­ple organ­i­cal­ly, like you said. And I like just hav­ing a

nat­ur­al con­nec­tion ver­sus just like, mes­sag­ing back and forth on a dat­ing app because I don’t know their inten­tions. I don’t know what these peo­ple are like out­side of these dat­ing apps. So I just always had like a fear fac­tor, sort of. so when I first met my boyfriend, I was real­ly intim­i­dat­ed because I was just like, is this guy good or is he not that great? Even though we had pret­ty good con­ver­sa­tions on the app.

Anna Zim­mer­man: and I think it can feel real­ly forced too. Like, I down­loaded Tin­der, I think, my senior year of high school to, like you said, get over my ex boyfriend. and it did­n’t last long. I did­n’t like the way that every­thing was forced. And I don’t know, I actu­al­ly got banned per­ma­nent­ly from the app because I did­n’t like it. So much that I would just send my Snapchat or my phone num­ber over the app instead of hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion. Which I think that that is why I mean, to this day, I still don’t know. But I nev­er mes­saged any­one, so I don’t know what else it could have been.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: And I don’t blame you because hon­est­ly, when I first down­loaded Tin­der, it was a game to me. I was swip­ing left.

Anna Zim­mer­man: It was like a fun lit­tle game, like, oh my gosh.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: Just to see who’s attrac­tive on cam­pus. Did­n’t real­ly think I would meet any­body, and I’m not going to lie, my boyfriend was the first per­son I actu­al­ly met up with. I was just always real­ly para­noid. I just did­n’t feel com­fort­able going to some­one else’s dorm. and it’s crazy how one in ten adults met their cur­rent sig­nif­i­cant oth­er through a dat­ing app because, I mean, cur­rent­ly I’m in a rela­tion­ship too. I just nev­er thought it would be through Tinder.

Anna Zim­mer­man: Yeah, that’s wild. And that seems like kind of a big num­ber, right? But then you think about how many peo­ple are on Tin­der and that is so insignificant.

Maina Durafour: Yeah, and there’s a lot of weird peo­ple on Tin­der when you think about it. M, so my boyfriend was­n’t the first one I met through Tin­der. And I feel lucky because I met some nice guy, but then I had some weird peo­ple. One guy, he asked me if I want­ed to put my feet on his head, like, stuff like that. Where does peo­ple come from?

Anna Zim­mer­man: You can def­i­nite­ly find a lot of unwant­ed behav­iors on the plat­form. I think. espe­cial­ly younger women under 50 say that they’ve used the dat­ing dat­ing apps, and 56% of them say that they’ve been sent like, sex­u­al­ly explic­it mes­sages on a dat­ing app. This is like first impres­sions we’re talk­ing about. And they’re like, look at my junk.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: So any­way and I feel like a lot of peo­ple, since it’s behind a screen, they don’t under­stand the con­se­quences and they don’t care.

Anna Zim­mer­man: Yeah. you’re nev­er going to meet them. What’s the worst that could happen?

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: But it’s so awk­ward because some­times I would see my match­es or the

peo­ple that have DM’d me or asked me for my Snap. And it’s like, awk­ward because I nev­er ful­ly had a con­ver­sa­tion with them or went through with meet­ing up with them. And then you would just see them on your way to class.

Anna Zim­mer­man: That’s the worst, I think, with social media is the peo­ple that you are friends with on social media, but have nev­er met in real life. And it’s like you see them. What do you say? You don’t. You just act like you nev­er met.

Tabitha Bak­er: Sorry.

Anna Zim­mer­man: I think that that was my biggest hes­i­ta­tion with dat­ing apps and actu­al­ly using it. I had it for a while, but I would­n’t use it. And that was like I did not want any­one who I knew to see it. I’m like this is the peak of my embar­rass­ment, right?

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: And not going to lie, when I first start­ed dat­ing my boyfriend, I did­n’t want to tell peo­ple that I met him on Tin­der because I just thought it was such an embar­rass­ment. Like, it was­n’t some­thing to be proud of. But the more I got with him and the more we talked, I was like, you know what? There are ups and downs to Tin­der and oth­er dat­ing pro­files. And I should­n’t be embar­rassed because that’s why it was made to meet oth­er people.

Tabitha Bak­er: And it’s like, if you’re hes­i­tant to say that you met on Tin­der, it’s like, oh, is that a red flag that he’s on Tin­der? But it’s like, you’re on Tin­der too. Are you a red flag?

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: I can’t have dou­ble stan­dards. You know what I’m saying?

Tabitha Bak­er: Yeah. So I don’t think every­body who’s on Tin­der has bad inten­tions, obvi­ous­ly. Like, your rela­tion­ships cur­rent­ly are obvi­ous­ly going well, like, three years strong.

Tabitha Bak­er: That’s crazy. But, yeah, I do think hookup cul­ture is a — not an issue, but just pop­u­lar now. And I think that it’s fun and peo­ple are into it and do what­ev­er you want, no judg­ment. Col­lege, this is your prime time. But it also makes you real­ize how small cam­pus is. Like you said, you see peo­ple who peo­ple mes­sage you, and then it’s like you spot them around campus.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: And it’s so awk­ward because some­times I would go to par­ties or I would go to the bar and I would see these peo­ple, and it’s just like, what do you even say? You have noth­ing to say. and I feel like some­times, with these dat­ing apps, it’s just like, you can’t avoid they’re just there. anoth­er thing I was going to actu­al­ly bring up is that with today’s gen­er­a­tion, we have a real­ly hard time com­mit­ting to a rela­tion­ship, which I feel like is why hookup cul­ture is so, pop­u­lar, because it’s just like a one and done deal. now we have sit­u­a­tion ships, and peo­ple who just are like, yeah, they become com­fort­able with anoth­er per­son, but they don’t ful­ly com­mit. So that caus­es a lot of issues with com­mu­ni­ca­tion. And then you end up see­ing some­one who you thought was so fond of you with anoth­er per­son, and it’s just like, okay, wait, what happened?

Tabitha Bak­er: Yeah, it’s just like, also just social media in gen­er­al, because it’s like, back in the old days, peo­ple would see the beau­ti­ful girls on tele­vi­sion and it’s like, oh, there they go. They’re so beau­ti­ful. Some­day I hope I look like them, what­ev­er. But it’s like, now you could be real­ly falling for some­body, or you’re real­ly into this guy, and then he just has Tin­der. He’s swip­ing right on all these oth­er girls, you know what I mean? Or just look­ing through Insta­gram, m lik­ing oth­er girls pic­tures. And it’s like, these are at one point unat­tain­able women, but they’re still and.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: One thing I noticed about Tin­der is that there’s a lot of cat­fish­es. So there’s a lot of peo­ple that you think that are so attrac­tive and great, and then you actu­al­ly see them in per­son. They’re not who they, say they are.

Maina Durafour: that hap­pened to me. You know the pic­ture with the anger? You take the pic­ture like the shad­ow, the light, or like, the peo­ple you.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: Take the pic­ture with. Yeah, because you think they’re attrac­tive, because they’re sur­round­ed by attrac­tive peo­ple, and then they post a self­ie in their collection.

Anna Zim­mer­man: Or the peo­ple who on Tin­der have their entire all of their pro­file is pic­tures with oth­er people.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: And you don’t and you’re like, oh.

Anna Zim­mer­man: My God, I lit­er­al­ly thought you were your friend. Yes, please intro­duce us.

Tabitha Bak­er: Intro­duce that’s crazy.

Anna Zim­mer­man: but yeah, I think that’s a huge thing with dat­ing nowa­days. Like you said, the once unat­tain­able beau­ti­ful women or hot movie stars, it’s like, now you can lit­er­al­ly DM the hot movie star. So it’s like there’s always going to be this illu­sion of the per­fect match­es out there, or there’s always going to be a bet­ter option or some­body pret­ti­er, smarter, funnier.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: And I feel like for me, when I was decid­ing on who I want­ed to be with, I real­ly want­ed lit­tle things. And I feel like that’s not real­ly a thing any­more. I feel like, being roman­tic is seen as a bad thing. I love just get­ting flow­ers and talk­ing and going on dates or even just, like, walk­ing around cam­pus. It does­n’t have to be any­thing big. And I feel like not a lot of guys can even do that. And that’s, like, the bare minimum.

Tabitha Bak­er: Tin­der a lot of the times is a lot I’ve noticed it’s a lot of hookup cul­ture. But you just nev­er know. You might just meet your future boyfriend.

Maina Durafour: Yeah, you might.

Tabitha Bak­er: All right, well, thank you guys for join­ing us on the Insight Scoop to col­lege dat­ing. I’m Tabitha.

Anna Zim­mer­man: Anna 

Maina: Maina.

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: and Dipty.

Tabitha Bak­er: And we’ll see you guys next time. 

Dip­ty Bhuiyan: Bye.

Learn more about Dat­ing in College: 

How Online Dat­ing Apps Can Lead to Burnout — The New York Times

Key find­ings about online dat­ing in the U.S.